I wanted to write about this for a VERY long time. I just couldn't find the right time to blog about it.
Until i saw a tweet about someone committing suicide because his loved one cheated on him @.@
And i have this urge to write this post cz i hope everyone who's involved in such cases know that you're not alone cz this happens everyday everywhere in the world.
Let me tell you my stories. I've been cheated on twice, by 2 different guys on 2 different occasions. And it's not like we were in short term relationships.
The first one was 2.5 years. The other was twice longer.
Honestly, you will be seriously sad when you find out that your loved ones cheated on you, whether it's emotionally or physically.
But you have to STAND UP! DYING IS NOT A SOLUTION!
Why not stand up proudly and point your middle finger at them?
There are a few stages that you will go through.
1) You guys break up.
2) You find out that it's because he had been cheating on you emotionally/physically.
3) You feel like it's the end of the world. You guys had been together for so long and why! why would he/she go for someone else?
4) Start blaming yourself and think that you're the worst person in the world and that you must've done something wrong that's why he/she doesn't want you anymore.
5) You can't trust anyone anymore. You want to run away from the world.
6) Tears, tears and more tears.
I just want you to know that you're not alone! Not everyone has been through this BUT I DID! TWICE! AND I SURVIVED!
Feel the sadness but don't overdo it. Don't let your feelings control you.
This is very important cz there're so much more things in the world that you still want or need to do.
You still have your family and friends.
And most of the time, we think...
- We can still get them back.
- It's just temporary. We've been together for so long and no, he/she is not serious about this and eventually he/she will regret and come back to me.
- No, he/she didn't cheat on me. They're just friends.
- I'm already 24 and i don't think i can still meet someone like him/her.
- He/she is the best person that i've ever met and i'm so used to being with him/her.
All these thoughts hold you back most of the time and eventually you "think" that you still want him/her.
Yes. Sometimes, you just miss those feelings and the memories but not the person.
But you need to move on. Even if you still want them back you still have to move on!
Why? Cz if you're still there all the time, ready for him/her, they won't feel that they're actually losing you.
In order to get them back, you must at least lose them or make them feel like they lost you first right?
I know that you will not move on cz you "think" that they will still come back, they must've lost their mind temporarily or you will wait for them.
I had the exact same thoughts last time.
In such a case, you don't need to force yourself too hard to move on. But, in order to win him/her back, you must at least brush yourself up a little bit right? Who's gonna love you back when you look like a zombie everyday, crying, and you don't even love yourself?
So, there are a few things that you need to focus on doing now.
1) DO NOT CONTACT HIM/HER OR LET HIM/HER CONTACT YOU.
I know this is hard but you have to do it if you still want him/her back!
A relationship is like a rubber band. The more tension you put on it, the higher the risk that it will break.
So, loosen up your relationship a lil bit and try not to contact them for at least 4 weeks. Why 4 weeks? cz you need some time to calm yourself down and give him/her some time to really think about the relationship too.
You might probably ask what i should do in those 4 weeks? "I don't think i can do it." "We used to talk every night before sleep." "I can't live without thinking about him."
Throughout these 4 weeks, you need to start learning how to move on and make your life better cz you can't just stay in your room the entire day telling yourself not to call him/her.
Find something that you've always wanted to do and do it.
It can be traveling alone, hitting the gym, do something crazy like paragliding etc etc.
Do something that you love and meet your friends and family more often! surround yourself with positive people!
Talk to your best friend. If they really are your best friends, they won't judge you and they will give you full support. Tell them your plans to get him/her back so that they can help you through the process and you won't feel so lonely. But you don't have to do this if you're not comfortable with anyone.
You will feel a lil bit crazy in the 1st week.
You might start doubting whether this is the right way to get him/her back. Whether there will be a higher chance of losing him/her.
When this happens, you just have to keep the rubber band principle in mind. We're all human and that's what we always do. Holding on to something and doing nothing to improve it because we're too scared of losing it. You must give in order to take. So, just leave it temporarily. If he/she contacts you, keep it formal. No crying no begging no nothing. Just say Hi and if there's nothing important, cut short the conversation. Try to keep minimal or no contact at all with him/her.
If you still find it hard to go through this phase, imagine the days that you will have with him/her in future. Those happy smiles.
Also, don't stop yourself from crying or being sad. Once in a while, if you feel like it, just cry your eyes out and eat whatever you want.
Stop listening to all those sad songs though. And stop stalking him/her on their FB or check their phones or whatever. Cz you don't want to be controlled by your emotions.
Hold on, hold on for just a while. The first few days might be hard but it will not be the same later.
2) Now, start thinking deeply what's the actual reasons for the break up.
There will surely be more than one reason but you gotta be honest with yourself.
What is the actual reason that led to this break up.
List them down on paper and ask yourself honestly. It will not be purely because of the third party. There might already be some problems with the relationship before this happened.
Don't be afraid to be sad and don't be afraid to admit your mistakes.
3) Decide whether getting back together is something that you really want.
Put aside your emotions and ask yourself honestly, can you really do anything to turn the situation around?
Is he/she really someone that you want? someone who always lets you be the best of yourself, someone who can make you smile everyday?
Or he/she's just someone that you were so used to being with together.
Don't think about the future yet. Just focus on the present.
When you start to appreciate what's happening in the present you will know yourself better and whether this is something that you really want.
I've been through this stage and my decision was nope. He's not that someone whom i wanted anymore. He's not that someone who can make me smile and be the best of myself.
4) Move On.
This is not a final final stage cz you were already "learning" to move on or started "moving on" after the no contact phase.
Go meet new friends. Meet lots of them! Do more and more things that you love. Love yourself more!
You will be alright!
The only way to move on is to accept!
Accept the fact that he/she doesn't love you any more and that they're seeing someone else now.
Accept the fact that you made mistakes cz you tried, tried to hold on to the relationship, tried to appreciate the relationship.
Accept. Accept it and be happy!
I'm really grateful that i met someone who loves me back like how i love him and who lets me be the best of myself all the time.
I chose not too worry too much about the future cz i used to have a fear of falling in love again.
I chose to believe and appreciate what's happening in the present and to work to create a better future.
Don't be afraid of falling in love again. Not all guys/girls are like that though. Give yourself a chance to see the world! The more beautiful world!
I'm not an expert in relationships. I'm just someone who has been through this and it hurt me like hell.
If you think that your case is the worst, talk to me! cz my story wil definitely beat yours wtf. And i have a lot more stories to tell you!
Don't let your emotions control you! You will find someone who is right for you! If you want to!
Suicide is not the right nor only way to make you feel better.