I wanted to write about this for a VERY long time. I just couldn't find the right time to blog about it.

Until i saw a tweet about someone committing suicide because his loved one cheated on him @.@

And i have this urge to write this post cz i hope everyone who's involved in such cases know that you're not alone cz this happens everyday everywhere in the world.

Let me tell you my stories. I've been cheated on twice, by 2 different guys on 2 different occasions. And it's not like we were in short term relationships. 

The first one was 2.5 years. The other was twice longer.

Honestly, you will be seriously sad when you find out that your loved ones cheated on you, whether it's emotionally or physically. 

But you have to STAND UP! DYING IS NOT A SOLUTION!

Why not stand up proudly and point your middle finger at them?

There are a few stages that you will go through.

 

1) You guys break up.

2) You find out that it's because he had been cheating on you emotionally/physically.

3) You feel like it's the end of the world. You guys had been together for so long and why! why would he/she go for someone else? 

4) Start blaming yourself and think that you're the worst person in the world and that you must've done something wrong that's why he/she doesn't want you anymore.

5) You can't trust anyone anymore. You want to run away from the world.

6) Tears, tears and more tears.

 

I just want you to know that you're not alone! Not everyone has been through this BUT I DID! TWICE! AND I SURVIVED! 

Feel the sadness but don't overdo it. Don't let your feelings control you. 

This is very important cz there're so much more things in the world that you still want or need to do.

You still have your family and friends. 

 

And most of the time, we think...

- We can still get them back.

- It's just temporary. We've been together for so long and no, he/she is not serious about this and eventually he/she will regret and come back to me.

- No, he/she didn't cheat on me. They're just friends. 

- I'm already 24 and i don't think i can still meet someone like him/her.

- He/she is the best person that i've ever met and i'm so used to being with him/her.

 

All these thoughts hold you back most of the time and eventually you "think" that you still want him/her.

Yes. Sometimes, you just miss those feelings and the memories but not the person. 

But you need to move on. Even if you still want them back you still have to move on!

Why? Cz if you're still there all the time, ready for him/her, they won't feel that they're actually losing you.

In order to get them back, you must at least lose them or make them feel like they lost you first right?

I know that you will not move on cz you "think" that they will still come back, they must've lost their mind temporarily or you will wait for them.

I had the exact same thoughts last time.

In such a case, you don't need to force yourself too hard to move on. But, in order to win him/her back, you must at least brush yourself up a little bit right? Who's gonna love you back when you look like a zombie everyday, crying, and you don't even love yourself?

So, there are a few things that you need to focus on doing now.

 

1) DO NOT CONTACT HIM/HER OR LET HIM/HER CONTACT YOU.

I know this is hard but you have to do it if you still want him/her back!  

A relationship is like a rubber band. The more tension you put on it, the higher the risk that it will break. 

So, loosen up your relationship a lil bit and try not to contact them for at least 4 weeks. Why 4 weeks? cz you need some time to calm yourself down and give him/her some time to really think about the relationship too.

You might probably ask what i should do in those 4 weeks? "I don't think i can do it." "We used to talk every night before sleep." "I can't live without thinking about him."

Throughout these 4 weeks, you need to start learning how to move on and make your life better cz you can't just stay in your room the entire day telling yourself not to call him/her.

Find something that you've always wanted to do and do it.

It can be traveling alone, hitting the gym, do something crazy like paragliding etc etc. 

Do something that you love and meet your friends and family more often! surround yourself with positive people!

Talk to your best friend. If they really are your best friends, they won't judge you and they will give you full support. Tell them your plans to get him/her back so that they can help you through the process and you won't feel so lonely. But you don't have to do this if you're not comfortable with anyone.

You will feel a lil bit crazy in the 1st week.

You might start doubting whether this is the right way to get him/her back. Whether there will be a higher chance of losing him/her.

When this happens, you just have to keep the rubber band principle in mind. We're all human and that's what we always do. Holding on to something and doing nothing to improve it because we're too scared of losing it. You must give in order to take. So, just leave it temporarily. If he/she contacts you, keep it formal. No crying no begging no nothing. Just say Hi and if there's nothing important, cut short the conversation. Try to keep minimal or no contact at all with him/her.

If you still find it hard to go through this phase, imagine the days that you will have with him/her in future. Those happy smiles. 

Also, don't stop yourself from crying or being sad. Once in a while, if you feel like it, just cry your eyes out and eat whatever you want. 

Stop listening to all those sad songs though. And stop stalking him/her on their FB or check their phones or whatever. Cz you don't want to be controlled by your emotions. 

Hold on, hold on for just a while. The first few days might be hard but it will not be the same later. 

 

2) Now, start thinking deeply what's the actual reasons for the break up.

There will surely be more than one reason but you gotta be honest with yourself.

What is the actual reason that led to this break up.

List them down on paper and ask yourself honestly. It will not be purely because of the third party. There might already be some problems with the relationship before this happened. 

Don't be afraid to be sad and don't be afraid to admit your mistakes.

 

3) Decide whether getting back together is something that you really want.

Put aside your emotions and ask yourself honestly, can you really do anything to turn the situation around?

Is he/she really someone that you want? someone who always lets you be the best of yourself, someone who can make you smile everyday? 

Or he/she's just someone that you were so used to being with together. 

Don't think about the future yet. Just focus on the present.  

When you start to appreciate what's happening in the present you will know yourself better and whether this is something that you really want. 

I've been through this stage and my decision was nope. He's not that someone whom i wanted anymore. He's not that someone who can make me smile and be the best of myself. 

 

 4) Move On.

This is not a final final stage cz you were already "learning" to move on or started "moving on" after the no contact phase.

Go meet new friends. Meet lots of them! Do more and more things that you love. Love yourself more! 

You will be alright! 

The only way to move on is to accept!

Accept the fact that he/she doesn't love you any more and that they're seeing someone else now.

Accept the fact that you made mistakes cz you tried, tried to hold on to the relationship, tried to appreciate the relationship.

Accept. Accept it and be happy!

I'm really grateful that i met someone who loves me back like how i love him and who lets me be the best of myself all the time. 

I chose not too worry too much about the future cz i used to have a fear of falling in love again. 

I chose to believe and appreciate what's happening in the present and to work to create a better future. 

Don't be afraid of falling in love again. Not all guys/girls are like that though. Give yourself a chance to see the world! The more beautiful world!

 

I'm not an expert in relationships. I'm just someone who has been through this and it hurt me like hell. 

If you think that your case is the worst, talk to me! cz my story wil definitely beat yours wtf. And i have a lot more stories to tell you! 

Don't let your emotions control you! You will find someone who is right for you! If you want to! 

Suicide is not the right nor only way to make you feel better.

 

 

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  • don
  • wah.. your post really will make a really great impact of those who want to end their beautiful life.
    yes, admit own mistake, move one, learn from the mistake, improve yourself, regardless how the things going to happen in the future.
    been in the exact stage also, but i guess i am the lucky one, coz just hapened once wtf, and yea, it is killing meeee, everyday also cry, but u took around 4 weeks time to recover, i took a lot longer time than that and still not yet fully cure =X, not really emotionally unstable like last time but when think back, still will feel a bit sad like that. hahaha..

    and, thank godness, everything is GOOD NOW!! VERY VERY GOOD, i am so blessed to have the present me, whoaa, random question, recently the 打雷闪电very scary leh wei... it's like going to bomb the whole building like that, do you believe in dunia khiamat ah wtf, Dec 21 leh..
    i don't want to dai... the world is so pretty, with a lot of wonderful things besides working life is a total bitch (no choice coz other pretty things also need money, sigh wtf), everything else is wonderful and pretty and nice!!

    love life everyone!!! love yourself, love the world, be kind to yourself, pamper yourself all the time, it takes lotsa energy and power (and also money wtf) to make you the person you are today from a single cell, don't ever waste all the effort by ending it yourself lo really. damn long right my comment, happy or not??
    i am your #2 fans ok (the person who commented in previous post rampasa the #1 edi, cis), been following you BEFORE you were barry gf one, but very low profile and quiet only, coz i am shy like that... *blush
  • Ur comment so funny!!!!!! What's ur real name? I thought Don should be guy but u sounds like a girl! Hehe btw, thanks for the long comment!!! Very happy la loll n nope. I don't believe in that shit hahah

    Sherlyn 於 2012/10/31 23:29 回覆

  • 訪客
  • Can you tell me about your stories?
  • You might need to email me dear cz it has to be private for now. But m willing to share. So you may email me at sherlynlicious@gmail.com if u would like to know. Same to all the others. :)

    Sherlyn 於 2012/10/31 23:28 回覆

  • Billy
  • Sing this song c.green's fuck you,play some console and eat some ice cream and top it off with some macarons :-)
  • Lolll

    Sherlyn 於 2012/10/31 23:27 回覆

  • momo
  • been through the exact same stage last year, 6 years and he cheated on me with one of his best friend.

    it was hell but I'm all good now. met someone that pamper me and love me for who I am.

    thumbs up for this post ;)
  • Owhhh!! Welcome to my family! Lol. Thumbs up for u!!! Another good example!!!! Hugs

    Sherlyn 於 2012/10/31 23:27 回覆

  • PinkPotato
  • I've been following your blog even before you went to US. I am not Barry Ooi's fans and I only know who is he after you're dating with him. I've seen how you transformed from a little girl to a confident and charming young lady. I saw how strong and how brave you are when you're dealing with all your problems. I've been an invisible reader for quite a while but I have to tell you this. Just right before you broke up with your ex, I broke up with my bf who had been together with me for years because of cheating. I was truly upset but your blog has made me feel better and somehow encouraged me to go through everything. I saw how you love your life and how your passion actually healed you from your sadness. I feel like you have walked through this awful period with me. I am really happy that you finally found your Mr. Right after you've gone through everything. I just want to say thank you, Sherlyn, for sharing everything here. You gave me courage and let me think positively during those days when I was still suffering. Keep it up the good work and please don't stop blogging. You're awesome!
  • Thank you so much for such a sweet comment! I'm touched by everything u mentioned in the above comment! Especially the part u said that u've been through this and u're much much better now! Really glad to hear that and thanks for adding another good example here! Hope that we can gather all the energy to help those people who's going through the same thing.

    Sherlyn 於 2012/10/31 23:26 回覆

  • 悄悄話
  • Girl
  • May i know about your story?
  • Send me an email k? :)

    Sherlynlicious@gmail.com

    Sherlyn 於 2012/11/01 16:58 回覆

  • spring
  • Hi there.. Ive been following ur blog recently :) been a silent reader until i read this blog..
    Those heart wrenchin words of urs.. Had reminded me of my story..   Contrary of being cheated, i am the 3 rd party in the relationship. I met the guy when he was in a 3 yrs relationship with his gf. We started as a fren .. We talk , share n call each other everydy.. He calls to wakes me up in the mornin.. V were happy n contented with each other companion..n theres somethin abt our chemistry..I knew he was in a relnshp, and had reassured myself many time tat we will b good friend although we both knew we had feelin for each other. I had no intention to hurt his gf .. Becoz deep down i trust myself as a good natured in heart..
    But love n fate really work in its own mysterious way. We hit off aftr he became my housemate.. 
    Alot of things came into my mind after that, i secretly hope tat he would broke up with gf, i hope that the person he loves more was me. He was tryin hide abt us from her.. N she probably did not know my existence but the fact that i know hers..He still met her .. And the thoughts of sharing a guy tat i love,what he s been doin with another gal.. its killin me.. N finally i decided to leave ..
    I left the guy and i was heart broken, as the guy did not stop me frm leavin n he knew he had to let me go..
    Ive been askin myself repeatedly if a guy really loves a gal in the first place.. He wouldnt fall in love with another person, or do anythin tat would hurt her. Its makes me wonder if he really do love his gf n me n him was just a mistake. He had been telling me issues with his gf n the fact tat his gf wasnt a pleasant  one.. Had make me thought i deserved the man better....
    " if you're in love with two people, pick the second one. If you really loved the first, you wouldn't have fallen for the second." is the phrase true? Its alwiz been a question tat i ll never had an answer on my mind...
    Anyhow.. A  year had passed now.. since i left him . Recently he n the gf had broke up i heard.. But i wasnt quite sure of wat happened. I did not met anyone new yet.. But have no intention of reconcile with him ...im tryin to move on, but still once a while will miss those memories tat we once had. I knew the only way to finally move on is when i found love with another person again..
    I hope u will not judge me becoz im the 3 rd party. I really admired your person, and ur writing n stories had touched me.. so i thought to share u my stories. 
    And yes, i really think u r a brave women.. U had grown from these experiences.. From life ups n down.. 
    Thank u for writing n sharin ur most inner thoughts with the readers.. U r right.. There r many many lost souls who needed help n just a new perspectives of life to bravely move on..
    Hope we can b friends.. Oh ya, n i love ur singing too! Its a amazing gift, talent n heart tat u have :)
  • I totally appreciate this Spring! I wanted to reply you since just now but I need sometime to arrange my words and I'm singing right now in a cafe! Will reply u once I got back! But seriously, thank you so much for sharing!!! I do agree with some of your point! C ya later!

    Sherlyn 於 2012/11/05 23:19 回覆

  • yizhuen
  • I passed those stage 1 year ago. I'm glad that I stay strong to pass through those day.
    Those days really torturing but with the support of my bestie, I did it.
    He cheated me for almost 2 months before I know the truth.The 1st week, I always cry when think back all the memories. He is my classmate at college.
    I have to face him everyday after break up.At the moment, I feel like want to tell my parents and transfer to other college but at last I didn't.
    I don't want my parents to worry about me.
    He always want to help me in college through my friends when I face problems but I reject it. He want to 弥补something.
    After few months , I can talk to him like friends but just like normal friends.
    Sometime, when he updated his Fb with those photos with his new love, I will feel no mood but I tell myself he is not the one can make me happy anymore. Let it go and forget it. I deserve the better one.
    2012 April, we graduated and no contact each other anymore until last month he PM me on fb .
    I agreed with what you said, sometime we just miss the memories not the person.
    Keep inspiring with those make up, outfit, talents(singing).
    Have a nice day. =)
  • Owhhh dear! Hugs! Mine too! I have to face that person and his gf every single day FML. And I didn't quite because of that too. I became stronger and stronger. Moved on and love myself even more! And I'm glad that you did it too! Hugs! You still very young haha! Your rainbow will come soon! :)

    Sherlyn 於 2012/11/05 23:18 回覆

  • 豬小姐
  • Been silent reader for the past 2 years...
    i tears when read tis in office. Thanks dear for the sharing & at the same time encourage & support all the girls out thr.
    I wanted to move on! & enjoy my life like you.

    please keep on posting & update ur blog to inspire ppl like me.
    Wish all the best to you always!

    *big hugs*
  • Thanks girl!!!! Super big hugs! I wish I know ya all who had been following me for years in person! Really thankful to you! You made my day!

    Sherlyn 於 2012/11/10 01:05 回覆