Wanted to blog about this in the past few months but didn't get to cz i was too lazy and life was just a lil bit hectic and challenging.
Singing stands a big part of my teenage dream.
I wanted to be a singer and i know that this is something that i really want in my life!
However, i'm just too coward on pursuing this dream!
Never really dare to go for any kind of competition cz i don't think i will win and i will be really upset if i lose.
A lot of people thought that I'm confident and extrovert. But in fact, I'm not. I have huge problem dealing with new friends / stranger where i can't talk at all during the first meeting. I have this super low self esteem which I myself don't know why as well. Blogging is the only space in my world that i get to express myself without worry too much on how people think about me. I was too afraid to lose, too afraid to be imperfect, too afraid to accept that i'm human and i will make mistakes sometimes.
Due to several reasons, i finally gave up my dream as a singer. --> Big Loser i know!
Until this year, i went back to my singing life and i start meeting a lot of singers!
I got to know about this competition on Wednesday night and decided to go and bought the flight ticket on Thursday so that we can fly on Saturday.
Bird, who's supposed to go with me is my lifetime singing partner (I claim it myself FHL) and I only feel comfortable if he's going with me.
Unfortunately, he's passport was held by the custom and he couldn't go!!!! I was really panic that time and I can't even call him cz of the stupid Maxis! I was forced to borrow a phone from an old couple and the uncle show da wife the "don't give her your phone" face. I gotta beg them like crazy then only the uncle decided to help me to call Bird. (wtf i felt so terrible that time!!!!!) n the worst part is, he didn't get to go and i had a feeling so strong that i'm not gonna make it that time. Bird finally convinced me and i went after all. By myself! I never step out of this country by myself before and i never thought of doing so too cz i don't think i'm THAT independent yet!
ok story seems long but i really want share about this!
Finally, after 123456 seconds I reached SG!
I took up a taxi and i was so scared and show my very "angry don't try to cheat me face" to the taxi uncle.
Taxi uncle calmed me down and said that this is SG girl, don't worry. We go by meter wtf.
Then he asked me what's m i up to. So i told him this competition thing and at the very end of the conversations, he told me, he's gonna tell his wife that he met a girl today who's gonna win the singing competition today and will appear in the TV soon! I had this mixed feelings where i don't really know how to react cz everything seems too much to me. I calmly thank him and rush to the competition. (The registration starts at 10am and people start quing at 7 something already)
I thought i was late and i will not make it at the end.
I the 300rd. FML I was quite happy also la honestly cz OMG THIS IS LIKE MY CHILDHOOD DREAM AND I WATCH THIS COMPETITION EVER SINCE THEY STARTED!!!!
My application form!
Stupid me while waiting for my turn!i waited for 3 hours!!!! kan jeong until can dieeeee
Best friend Ethan recorded this video. I was horribly kan jeong YES HORRIBLY!!!
ok i know i'm stupid cz i don't know why i cried!!!
I NEVER NEVER NEVER EXPECT THAT I WILL WIN OR WHAT NOT!
I JUST WANT TO FINISH THE COMPETITION AND BRAG TO MY KIDS IN FUTURE THAT "HEY U'VE GOT A HAOLIAN MUMMY WHO GO AFTER HER DREAM WTFWTF"
I don't even dare to tell my parents cz THEY WILL KILL ME I'M SERIOUS! My parents strongly disagree and they don't know anything about this!
I flew over to SG for this competition without their consent!
Bro got to know that i made it through this competition and was quite supportive but manage my expectations as well.
I don't know what i should do next Ethan just kept asking me are you going are you going? I'm like i don't know i don't know.
The whole situation was so messy and complicated wtf (COMPLICATED BY MYSELF WTFWTF)
ok stop crying already wtf
Everything seems so wonderful and unbelievable!
I've been through a really down stage in my life in the past few months and finally this great memory colored my life so beautifully.
I'm really thankful for the judge and everyone who supported me all this while.
I hate to say that but i'm not proceeding with the competition.
The sacrifice is too much and I know how this whole entertainment world works and I know this is not something that i want anymore.
There's no return back cz I know I'm gonna try my super best in the competition and I would want to win the competition the be a real singer!
But this is really not something that I want. No doubt that I really love singing but it's the only one thing in my life that I want to keep it as a hobby and not a money making tool nor being judged/controlled by other people. A singer life is not as easy as everyones think. The "give" part is much more than the "take" part. People who know me well would probably know better on why I'm not pursuing on this. Also, I want to give my biggest support to my family!
It took me quite a while to make this decision cz I've been through so much! so much just to get there and I'm gonna let it go now!
For me, It's considered as a success already! Everyone has their own definition in success. For me, this is considered as one of the most successful thing that I ever did! There's stilll a couple of more things that I want to achieve from singing!
I hope that I can still continue singing...from youtube maybe? if you guys don't mind? :)